I am here just to tell my story. I just finished going through 5 meaningless mediation meetings with my wife. We could agree that she would get sole custody, and child support, but all I wanted in return was child visitation. My wife being the stubborn and selfish bitch that she is, has been unwilling to negotiate. She wants 2 things from me but is not willing to give me the 1 thing I want, which is to have a relationship with my daughter even after divorce. Well, I have been living separate from my wife and kid for almost 4 months now, and I have only had the chance to see my daughter about 5 times at her preschool in those 4 months. However, the wife and her family have been pressuring the school's principal not to let me see my daughter there anymore, so now the principal has been making excuses that she is too busy to allow me to come and see my daughter there. The principal won't allow me to pick up my daughter from school, and so now I can't see my daughter anymore. When I originally made an agreement with the principal to allow me to visit my daughter under her supervision, the principal told my wife. As soon, as my wife heard that, she started having my mother-in-law pick up my daughter early from preschool, so that when I got there, my daughter would not be at the school.
So my wife has been claiming that my daughter is scared of me and has trauma, but I took video and pictures of my daughter having fun together and looking happy. My wife is a total liar, and the only other excuse she could come up was that I am violent and that I have hit her in front of our duaghter. This is true, however, she has been guilty of the same thing. Actually, she admitted in mediation, that she had hit me in front of our daughter before. She also admitted that my father-in-law had hit me in front of our daughter when we had a big fight, the last day I moved out and the cops had to come to take statements. I actually had to make her say that because she was claiming that I am the only one who has used violence. I am not justifying the use of violence, however I am just saying that everyone should be truthful and be treated equally and the fact is that my wife, her father, and I have all used violence in front of our daughter, yet my wife and her father are able to live together in the same house with my daughter and see her everyday but I cannot. So, how is it fair that even though they have used violence, I am the one singled out and not be able to see my daughter?
Anyway, I spoke to a few lawyers and all tell me the same. They say that theoretically, I have rights to be with my daughter since I am still legally married, but in practice, nobody can enforce those rights. The police will not do anything, and even though I am still married and try to take my daughter by force even though I just want to spend and hour with her and return her, my wife can turn around and accuse me of kidnapping and I can be arrested!
So, at the last mediation, my wife showed up with her lawyer and I am now waiting for notice that I am being sued for divorce...all because I refused to divorce without my right to be able to see my daughter after the divorce. I have read all over the internet that even though I may "win" child visitation in court, that in reality, there is no way to enforce that, and that my wife her stupid parents can deny me access to my daughter. So in the end, I and my daughter come out the losers, no matter what the outcome is.
The thing that angers me is that when my daughter and I are together without her mom and grandparents, she enjoys being with me. But 2 weeks ago, when there was a school summer festival that I was invited to go to, the wife and her parents were all there. That was the first time in almost 4 months I had seen them and they were of course very unhappy to see me there. When I approached my daughter, to say hello and to give her a present, I could tell that she had been coached to be afraid of me. She acted very uncomfortable and almost afraid of me. I could only figure that the wife and grandparents had been brainwashing her. The last image I will have of my daughter is that of me saying goodbye to her at her festival and me trying to hold her hand but my duaghter pulling her hand away from mine as if she was trying to escape me. I was so hurt by that...and I could just feel so much anger and hatred to my wife and her parents for brainwashing my daughter and turning her against me.
I don't have any confidence in the court system here. It is so anti-foreigner, and it really does work to separate kids from their parents...especially non-Japanese parents. I have to live with the fact that the soonest I might be able to see my daughter again is 13 years from now, but in reality there is a good chance that I may never see her again in my lifetime...all because of my wife's stupidity, selfishness, stubborness, and evil. Yeah, I am bitter...but who wouldn't be, if you are about to lose your child that you love so much in something that is so unfair.
All I can hope is that my daughter never becomes like my wife and becomes a smart, nice and respectable woman one day. I love you Hana-chan...and I will always keep you in my heart, and hope that one day soon, you and I will be able to meet and have the father-daughter relationship that was stolen from us.
Edited 7/25/2009 8:56:02 AM
FRIJ recommends you also
visit crn japan,
who are fighting international abduction to Japan and working to assure children
in Japan of meaningful contact with both parents regardless of marital status