Will lose my Hana-chan soon.

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I am here just to tell my story. I just finished going through 5 meaningless mediation meetings with my wife. We could agree that she would get sole custody, and child support, but all I wanted in return was child visitation. My wife being the stubborn and selfish bitch that she is, has been unwilling to negotiate. She wants 2 things from me but is not willing to give me the 1 thing I want, which is to have a relationship with my daughter even after divorce. Well, I have been living separate from my wife and kid for almost 4 months now, and I have only had the chance to see my daughter about 5 times at her preschool in those 4 months. However, the wife and her family have been pressuring the school's principal not to let me see my daughter there anymore, so now the principal has been making excuses that she is too busy to allow me to come and see my daughter there. The principal won't allow me to pick up my daughter from school, and so now I can't see my daughter anymore. When I originally made an agreement with the principal to allow me to visit my daughter under her supervision, the principal told my wife. As soon, as my wife heard that, she started having my mother-in-law pick up my daughter early from preschool, so that when I got there, my daughter would not be at the school.

So my wife has been claiming that my daughter is scared of me and has trauma, but I took video and pictures of my daughter having fun together and looking happy. My wife is a total liar, and the only other excuse she could come up was that I am violent and that I have hit her in front of our duaghter. This is true, however, she has been guilty of the same thing. Actually, she admitted in mediation, that she had hit me in front of our daughter before. She also admitted that my father-in-law had hit me in front of our daughter when we had a big fight, the last day I moved out and the cops had to come to take statements. I actually had to make her say that because she was claiming that I am the only one who has used violence. I am not justifying the use of violence, however I am just saying that everyone should be truthful and be treated equally and the fact is that my wife, her father, and I have all used violence in front of our daughter, yet my wife and her father are able to live together in the same house with my daughter and see her everyday but I cannot. So, how is it fair that even though they have used violence, I am the one singled out and not be able to see my daughter?

Anyway, I spoke to a few lawyers and all tell me the same. They say that theoretically, I have rights to be with my daughter since I am still legally married, but in practice, nobody can enforce those rights. The police will not do anything, and even though I am still married and try to take my daughter by force even though I just want to spend and hour with her and return her, my wife can turn around and accuse me of kidnapping and I can be arrested!

So, at the last mediation, my wife showed up with her lawyer and I am now waiting for notice that I am being sued for divorce...all because I refused to divorce without my right to be able to see my daughter after the divorce. I have read all over the internet that even though I may "win" child visitation in court, that in reality, there is no way to enforce that, and that my wife her stupid parents can deny me access to my daughter. So in the end, I and my daughter come out the losers, no matter what the outcome is.

The thing that angers me is that when my daughter and I are together without her mom and grandparents, she enjoys being with me. But 2 weeks ago, when there was a school summer festival that I was invited to go to, the wife and her parents were all there. That was the first time in almost 4 months I had seen them and they were of course very unhappy to see me there. When I approached my daughter, to say hello and to give her a present, I could tell that she had been coached to be afraid of me. She acted very uncomfortable and almost afraid of me. I could only figure that the wife and grandparents had been brainwashing her. The last image I will have of my daughter is that of me saying goodbye to her at her festival and me trying to hold her hand but my duaghter pulling her hand away from mine as if she was trying to escape me. I was so hurt by that...and I could just feel so much anger and hatred to my wife and her parents for brainwashing my daughter and turning her against me.

I don't have any confidence in the court system here. It is so anti-foreigner, and it really does work to separate kids from their parents...especially non-Japanese parents. I have to live with the fact that the soonest I might be able to see my daughter again is 13 years from now, but in reality there is a good chance that I may never see her again in my lifetime...all because of my wife's stupidity, selfishness, stubborness, and evil. Yeah, I am bitter...but who wouldn't be, if you are about to lose your child that you love so much in something that is so unfair.

All I can hope is that my daughter never becomes like my wife and becomes a smart, nice and respectable woman one day. I love you Hana-chan...and I will always keep you in my heart, and hope that one day soon, you and I will be able to meet and have the father-daughter relationship that was stolen from us.



Edited 7/25/2009 8:56:02 AM
Posted By:
MyHanaInNagoya
25/07/2009
Order:
lostdad2002 (7 posts)
28/07/2009 02:13:41
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
"MyHanaInNagoya", what you are going through is an outrage. I nearly said "your experience is typical of many". It IS typical (it mirrors much of what I went through). But typical doesn't make it any less outrageous.

You will know that ultimately you have no rights. You will know that unless your home country ISN'T a signatory of the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, you will be arrested in your own home country if you took Hana back to your country without any kind of consent (obviously not advisable).

If you succeed in legally gaining custody, it won't mean you will actually gain custody (as you know).

And you will know that every aspect of Japanese society feels that a non-custodial parent is such a drag, such a force against social harmony, that everything will conspire against you now in order to ensure you cannot even get regular visitation. If the mother deems this to be so, it will be so.

If I can ask an awkward question, in terms of violence, I wonder who was the main initiator? You or your wife? I ask, because again, this is similar to my experience where technically it could be said I was violent as well as my ex. My own ex was the initiator of violence, and if I retaliated, she claimed I was violent. This is a trap for men, as you are in the position of being a man being violent to a woman. A simple example : my ex threw hot tea into my face - while I was lying in bed (she was in a standing position). I have been punched in the face, bitten, kicked. Is such a person never to retaliate? My ex was also violent to her own brother. I remember once hearing screaming and shouting as I walked in to the family house and her brother came to me holding up his arm with a VERY nasty bitemark on the forearm. My wife at the time had scratch marks on her face. And you know what? I felt sorry for her brother, and sympathised with him.

Sorry for the anecdote, just that when violence is concerned, people love to make it all cut and dry, black and white - where there is a nasty violent man, and a helpless woman. If it's so cut and dry, then custody cases are easy to work out. A man hitting a woman, at any point, no matter the provocation or self-defence? You cannot win.

So I don't know what to say to you that is concrete and positive advice. Your position is ultimately hopeless if you cannot reconcile with your wife as she has all the power. Well you can protest, make a fuss, warn others, etc. But that doesn't get you to have regular contact with your daughter which is what you want more than anything.

Sad to not say anything positive, but know that your situation.....is very typical and outrageous.


Edited 7/28/2009 3:06:35 AM
nzaphnix (3 posts)
03/08/2009 12:25:42
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.... I know my husband has suffered for so long, not even knowing where his children were, who was really taking care of his eldest. I almost hired a PI actually, and miraculously, his exe's new husband, who is also in the service (well, my husband was in the navy when they met) contacted him, letting him know that they're relocating to Fort Hood, TX. Granted, they only got in touch to see if they could get the birth certificates so they wouldn't have to pay $2000 per visa for his kids, but still. They're American citizens, and will be living there soon.... And my husband will finally have the leverage to ensure his rights to his children.

It's been hard watching him trying to deal with, or at times deny the unfortunate circumstances, even after almost a decade. He's kept and collected all the gifts that he's ever received/bought for his children. My only fear is that, just like your daughter, they may have been brainwashed by their mother or others to resent or fear their father, who I can see loves and misses them so much........... He does not deserve to be estranged from his children in such a cruel manner.

Just read some encouraging news in Stars and Stripes about custody rights though:

http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=64002

http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=64003

I wish you the best of luck though. Hang in there. You will always be her father, and like any good father, I'm sure your love for your little one will never wane.
MyHanaInNagoya (7 posts)
08/08/2009 10:22:55
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
Thanks to the both of you for your words of encouragement. Well, to answer your question, My wife was the one who initially punched me the very first time on my arm and this was back in 2006. She had done so many things in the past that made me so angry, especially concerning things between my daughter and I. She has never respected the relationship between my daughter and I and has done things like taking away my right to enjoy certain things with my daughter. For example, she excluded me from my daughter's shichi-go-san celebration, even though I had told her I wanted to be part of that. My wife went ahead and gave my daughter her Christmas presents in the morning, without waking me up first and have me be part of that. These are a few of the examples that show how thoughtless and stupid my wife is and why I initiated the divorce. All of this is revenge on her part because she knows that the ONLY thing she can do to hurt me is to take away my daughter and that is exactly what she is doing.

Just to bring things up to date. I finally received the letter from her attorneys basically accusing me of taking my daughter out of the preschool without my wife's consent (even though I only did this once while still married about 2.5months ago), saying that Hana doesn't want to see me anymore (She's being brainwashed), saying that there will be a restraining order put out against me for trying to contact my wife's brothers (I only tried calling one of them twice in these past 4 months and she is doing this because she doesn't want the rest of her family knowing the truth about who she really is and all the evil and selfish things she has been doing and has done and so that I won't be able to contact them in case my daughter wants to meet me someday) and that I was telling the principal of my daughter's preschool "very strongly" that I wanted to see my daughter (which I have a right to since I know that I am being screwed around by my wife and the whole "Japanese system" giving the shaft to non-custodial parents.

Again I went to a legal consultation today and my options are very limited. They told me that either I just give in to my wife's demands and give up my daughter, or to go poor paying an attorney that might "win" me visitation but in reality nobody being able to enforce it , thanks to the wonderful system of law enforcement in Japan.

I don't know what to do...I just know that I will NEVER beg to my wife and give her that satisfaction. I think in the end, the only thing I will have consolation, is that evil deeds won't go unpunished. Karma will happen and I can imagine she will wind up an old bitter woman, all alone, once my daughter is of age and has her own life. Then, I will feel some sense of justice. I will keep trying though, to somehow keep some sort of connection with someone who can help me someday reunite with my daughter and one day be able to sit her down and explain the whole truth and show her all the proof and evidence that I have collected showing that her mom hid the truth from her, lied to her, and to show that I have always loved my Hana-chan, and even though we missed 13 years of her life that were stolen from us by her mom and grandparents, we can still have a relationship when she become and adult.

I just want to say that to those of you have posted replies to my story and to the other dads who have had their children stolen by their evil, and vindictive Japanese moms, that at the very least we have some connection and understanding. Yes, the "Japanese system" needs to be changed but I have my doubts that it will change in my daughter's lifetime. The only thing I can do and we can do in the meantime is to just keep finding some way to reconnect with our children that are being stolen from us. Just keep your children in your heart, never stop loving them, and know that somewhere out there, there is a part of us inside our kids, making them whole.

lenny straight (5 posts)
27/08/2009 17:14:26
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
Hi,
My name is Lenny and I have a daughter called Hana too. I am also separated from my wife and had fears of never seeing my daughters again (I have another called Mya). But I have just finished reading a book called "The Attractor Factor" by Joe Vitore and I promise if you read it too, you will be filled with a whole new perspective and hope. I don't want you to lose your daughter and you can stop that happening. You have received this reply from me because you have asked for it and you have to believe that you are one step closer to realizing your dreams.
I understand how you feel and I just wanted to help.
Let me know how it all goes.
iljs_iljs (5 posts)
25/09/2009 10:46:55
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
1) don't call your daughter's mother bitch.

2) if you really think she's a bitch, you should have found out before marrying her. and before having a kid from her.

3) don't use violence against your wife. and the story that "she also hit you" made me laugh (did she hurt you so much? oh, dear)

4) your daughter was happy with you but she could be brainwashed in such a short time? I doubt it. there must be something else

5) go back to your country if you don't like the Japanese system.

Sayonara
lostdad2002 (7 posts)
25/09/2009 19:07:20
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
"iljs_iljs":-

You are guessing the original poster is lying. Why do you do that? That's strange. The original poster takes time to publish his story but all of it must be lies because of your bias? Maybe your bias is correct maybe not (I suspect not), but why assume the worst? I think you have your own history that influenced your writing here.
Administrator (72 posts)
25/09/2009 19:14:31
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
iljs_iljs, assuming you are right here, how would you know this? Assuming you are wrong, you are just guessing the worst from the OP. Makes you wonder why someone bothers to search for an obscure website about fathers rights in Japan, and make a post about it, eh?

The great thing with the internet is no Japanese body or government official can do a damn thing about us posting what we like. I have told the truth on frij.net on the very homepage - http://www.frij.net/ - about the struggle non-custodials face. The truth matters, not opinion. Those of us who have faced the prejudice of the Japanese system know the truth.

iljs_iljs you sound like you are defending a biased system, or know information about the OP we don't know. I'm inclined to believe the OP because why bother to post here (and even FIND here) if you haven't suffered (so casually) at the hands of the Japanese system?
iljs_iljs (5 posts)
25/09/2009 20:52:37
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
I'm not defending any system... there are so many countries, all over the world, where foreigners are not treated as well as native people. Unfortunately racism is everywhere. And a "perfect country" doesn't exists.

I just wanted to say that nowadays it's like a fashion to move to Japan (especially who can't get a life in his native country), date a Japanese woman and eventually get married and make babies... and finally divorce in the 99% of the cases.

I can understand that it's easier to blame on Japanese system rather than blaming on yourself about a wrong, important choice.
But don't you think you should find out about society & culture of a foreign country BEFORE moving abroad? Or at least, before making a family.

How comes that you realize about the negative sides of Japan only when you are in trouble because of a divorce? I guess that just some year ago you were one of those who profess their love for Japan.
crn japan (4 posts)
25/09/2009 21:45:45
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
I really wanted to stay out of this, but I have to tell you that your response is as absurd as Japanese law.

You said - "I just wanted to say that nowadays it's like a fashion to move to Japan (especially who can't get a life in his native country), date a Japanese woman and eventually get married and make babies... and finally divorce in the 99% of the cases. " Please that is absurd. Where do you get your facts?

Where did you find that when a person comes to Japan the marry and divorce 99% of the time? Im sure we are all aware of couples where a foreigner came to Japan, married, and still lives happily married. You exaggeration makes your views lack any and all credibility.

What would you say regarding the hurdles, maybe thousands of cases this year alone where a Japanese woman abducted a child from a foreign country and brought the child to japan.??? There are also a number of instances where, while still married the mother (or Japanese citizen) abducts the child.

You want us to discuss this with you, but your statements are so out there that it is not worth discussing with someone who lies (changes the facts) right off the bat to make his point look stronger.

Japanese parents say the same about the Japanese System being dysfunctional... Why would you attack gaijin with your words the way you do...when it affects everyone...Japanese included. The people who have lost their children (90% being Japanese Citizens) have the same fight ahead. So there is nothing to do with falling in love with Japan?

Read up on http://www.crnjapan.net & please attend the street demonstration in Japan on October 24th (organized by a Japanese Parent) - http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/evt-scyoyo.html



Edited 9/25/2009 9:46:58 PM

Edited 9/25/2009 9:58:57 PM
iljs_iljs (5 posts)
25/09/2009 22:35:06
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
Of course my "99%" was an exaggeration... the meaning was "most of the couples".

You talk about foreigners that are married and "still lives happily" in Japan. Ok... how many gaijin do you actually know that retired, got a pension and lived in Japan until their death? I guess not so many, compared with the huge numbers of gaijin that nowadays move there with low-level jobs, such as NOVA teachers.

Anyway, these are just my 2 cents. Internet is supposed to be a democratic system, isn't it? So I said my opinion. I can understand that different people with the same, negative experience can feel sympathy for each other.

Just one question: if you think that your own country has a better system than Japanese one, and you feel so frustrated and angry in Japan, why not considering about going back home? I think nobody forces you to stay there against your wish.
crn japan (4 posts)
26/09/2009 00:21:44
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
Again, you are way off base. What makes you think in the first place that I live in Japan? I haven't even been to Japan in almost 10 years. Making statement that are not based on anything other than your thoughts just show that the statements you make have very little fact to them.

"You talk about foreigners that are married and "still lives happily" in Japan. Ok...how many gaijin do you actually know that retired, got a pension and lived in Japan until their death? "

Personally I know about 10 to 12 that are still in Japan after 15 years...none are dead yet, but they are all 50 or over. As far as low-level, I wouldnt consider the Japanese that work at NOVA as teachers low level, so why would you state that the foreign workers at NOVA are?

" Internet is supposed to be a democratic system, isn't it?"

Yes, absolutely...this is the reason I am able to respond to your blatant fabrication of facts and point out that they are just that - fabrications.

"just one question: if you think that your own country has a better system than Japanese one, and you feel so frustrated and angry in Japan, why not considering about going back home? I think nobody forces you to stay there against your wish?"

What makes you think I live in Japan?

My country, and all of the countries where joint custody is legal do have a much BETTER Family Law system than Japan. It is known that denial of visitation, or parental abduction are extremely detrimental to children. A country that would allow its laws to be harmful to children should be ashamed. I am thankful I live somewhere that abduction is abduction and people who abduct are considered the criminals that they are.

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-ymk.html

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-thz.html

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-hasco.html

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-mmm.html

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-jnt.html

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-mus.html

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/abd-rlw.html

If you would like to see more, or the INTERNATIONAL ARREST warrants for the Japanese Women and Men who have abducted children from other countries please visit - http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/res-warrants.html

Shame on Japan and ALL JAPANESE who support the state sponsored abduction.

! Shame on you !

Edited 9/26/2009 12:28:49 AM
iljs_iljs (5 posts)
26/09/2009 12:47:36
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
I will not yell "shame on you!", because I respect your idea. It's just your idea against mine... that's fine.

Ok, you don't live in Japan. Then I must change my question: if you haven't been there for more than 10 years, why bothering yourself about fathers' rights in Japan?

I just can swear that there are other countries with a worse law about foreigners' rights.

About "low-level works", I was referring to those gaijin (and they are many) that move to Japan but don't even try to learn Japanese. This is not a shame?
This happens especially for native english speakers: they are so lazy about learning new languages, and they expect everybody to speak english all over the world. You can't deny this.
Administrator (72 posts)
27/09/2009 06:54:27
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
iljs_iljs, it is clear you have a chip on your shoulder about foreigners in Japan by reading all of your comments on this page.

No country is perfect, and so it is not only normal, but should be EXPECTED, for good citizens (or residents) to stand up and complain vociferously when the government are allowing terrible things like child abduction to occur. It is actually abhorrent and terrible when people remain silent, yet they know such things happen, without the government imposing any deterrants to such acts.

The vast majority of the non-custodials who are victims of abductions are Japanese nationals, so it's far from being a "foreigner only" issue.

Would you prefer it if nobody complained or even simply highlighted the issue of child abduction? If not, then you should be happy we are putting a spotlight on this issue. If (for whatever strange reason) you are against the freedom of speech to point out such injustices, I can only imagine you have unhealthy motives to have such a point of view.
MyHanaInNagoya (7 posts)
02/10/2009 03:53:31
re: To iljs_iljs   profile
It's interesting that you come here to this website to knock on people who are simply telling their story about losing their children in Japan due to the how the laws work against non-custodial parents. You go on and make assumptions about me as far as who I am, why I came to this country, what I do as far as work back in my home country, what type of "gaijin" I am here in Japan, and use sarcasm and cynisism to express your points, while not really knowing anything about me other than what I have just typed in my previous posts.

I came on this website to express my displeasure with an unfair system of family law in this country, and to discuss my problems and my story regarding the upcoming loss of my daughter to her mother and grandparents, and here "you" are attacking me, and telling me to go back to my country??

Are "you" even married or have been married or have any children?? If the answer is "No", then what makes you think you can say such ridiculous things to me. Do you just go around on websites attacking people just cause you have nothing better to do and get your kicks by offending people you don't know, in the safety of your own home??

I don't have to try and prove anything to you as you are just some random person out there, that I have no connection to. If you had sincerely come on here to ask about my situation and why I came to Japan and why I am still here, then I would reveal more information about myself, but it is obvious that you just came here to agitate me.

Why are you on here anyway?? Do you even know what this website is for? Why don't you go to another website and express your simple thoughts over there? Who are you anyway?? Why don't you tell us about why you sound so cynical and sarcastic and the truth about why you came on this website??

nzaphnix (3 posts)
26/10/2009 18:59:13
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
No problem MyHanaInNagoya. That's what this forum is for, right? I think it's great that you still actually have some kind of legal rights to your daughter, even if not enforced very well. My husband was not so fortunate.

I agree, iljs_iljs has got a chip on his shoulder. As a matter of justice and equal treatment, he/she has certainly missed the point. No one is attacking Japan as a whole, just this one (obviously) sore point that seems to be affecting MANY people from outside of Japan more and more. So there's really no need for anymore broad generalizations/stereotypes or sham arguments on the topic.

What's really ridiculous though is how it continues to be blatantly ignored, no changes made, or even considered. Just remember that it takes TWO to tango.
pgdaddy (2 posts)
27/10/2009 09:57:23
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
My heart goes out to you. My story is similar, but in Taiwan- there are similar problems there. See my post on http://www.forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.php?f=96&t=83008 .

I know how you feel to be up against a system and culture that is so harsh.

Stay strong. Your little girl will come and look for you in the future. Think of your own health and happiness, make another life for yourself so you can be strong for her.
MyHanaInNagoya (7 posts)
28/10/2009 03:07:48
  profile
(no comment)
MyHanaInNagoya (7 posts)
28/10/2009 04:23:05
re: Will lose my Hana-chan soon.   profile
Well, it is finally official. On Friday, October 23, 2009, I finally lost my daughter. I was put in a corner where I had to make a decision. Either fight going broke and have a tiny but unrealistic chance to see my daughter, or live to see another day and wait at least 13 years til I can see my daughter again. That was day I had to go to court and face my Exe's 2 lawyers.

About a month before, I had met with an English speaking lawyer ( who I was considering to hire and bring with me on 10/23/2009 to court ) to ask him all sorts of questions. He explained to me how everything my ex had said in the Mediation sessions that would harm her testimony in Family Court litigation, could not be used in the court hearings and we would have to get her to admit those things again! I couldn't believe it!! It was in the mediations where she had admitted to had hit me in front of my daughter and where she had admitted to talking bad about me in front of my daughter and where she had offered me visitation as long as I stay and live in Nagoya for the next 13 years!! And all of this was documented by the mediators, yet it cannot be used in court??!! That made no sense to me. The lawyer also explained to me that in Japanese family court everything is done in writing. It is not like in America, where you are up on a witness stand and you get questioned and cross examined by lawyers. I was hoping it was American style because I know for a fact that I would have tore my ex's testimony apart because of all the lies and B.S. that I had proof against and everything she had said in Mediation where she shot herself in the foot offering me child visitation.

I also asked the lawyer about whether I could countersue my ex for her and her lawyers telling the preschool where my daughter goes, not to let me visit my daughter anymore, while we were still married. He said that I couldn't sue her and that she and her lawyers could do that legally. He also told me that litigation could last up to 15 months until a judge would render a verdict and that I would have to show up to court once a month for only about 15 minutes of actual court time, just to turn in our paperwork, if the ex and I could not come to an agreement.

So, I thought how can I win, if everything is stacked against me?? In the meantime, the ex-wife in her lawsuit was seeking 2,000,000 in damages, I pay all legal fees, plus 60,000 yen per month for both my daughter and her (support and alimony) and no child visitation for me, claiming that my daughter didn't want to see me anymore and that we had grown apart.

She knew that the only way to get me to back down was with money because her family has money and she knows that I didn't have so much money to be able to fight her. So, I had no real choice, knowing what the lawyer had told me, and also with the ex trying to squeeze me for all I had.

So, I went to court with an intrepreter and in a previously sent email where I finally caved-in to the ex and offered her child support, sole custody and no child visitation for me, she and her lawyers finally agreed to settle this in court on 10/23/2009.

However in court, her 2 lawyers (she was not present) were giving me a lot of B.S. about them wanting me to hire my own lawyer and all this other last minute crap that they were pulling out of their asses. However, I told them that whatever they were saying was not in the email conversations we had before.

The judge had told me that in the meantime between then and the actual divorce date, that I could still see my daughter. This caught me by surprise since all the lawyers that I had spoken to and the ex's lawyers had told me that my ex could deny me from seeing my daughter even while still married. I was so furious and took the chance to scold my exe's lawyers for violating my legal rights to see my daughter while they were sitting there with smirks on their faces knowing they all pulled a fast one on me. However the judge told me that I could make a decision now to accept the exe's terms and be divorced immediately or if I would continue with hiring a lawyer and fight it out. I was on the spot and there was silence waiting for my answer. I thought that I couldn't trust any lawyer since I had been given so much wrong information and even though I could "win" visitation, if I could really see my daughter again, knowing again that child visitation orders cannot (will not) be enforced in Japan. I had to think if I was willing to stay married to that woman for at least another 15 months knowing that my daughter would be even more brainwashed in the meantime to fear me or dislike me until I could see her again. So with reluctance and pain, I finally agreed to no child visitation for me, and thinking if I really did make the right decision. Of course, I felt cheated and not satisfied with how this ended with the loss of my daughter, but all I can hope for is for one day to be vindicated by my daughter when she wants to meet me after all those years were stolen from us and she wants to hear my side of the story and have a relationship with me again.

In any case, this message is for my Hana-chan (Hana Maruyama). I hope that this website is still up after 13 years so that one day, you can see that I didn't want to leave you and I tried hard to stay a big part of your life, while your selfish mom and grandparents did everything possible to take me out of your life. I hope you realize and find out one day that your daddy has always loved you and only wants the best for you. I hope we can meet again soon someday. Bye bye my "Min-me"...I love you...always... from "Papi"


FRIJ recommends you also visit crn japan, who are fighting international abduction to Japan and working to assure children in Japan of meaningful contact with both parents regardless of marital status